I spend a long time translating and reading the post. If half of what's posted is really how you really feel, I feel like giving you a hug and telling you it's alright.
There are actually a lot of people around you who cares, who are willing to listen, who are waiting for you outside your door. If you could just open the door and let them in, you will find that there are people who can help you in many ways.
You don't have to carry the burden yourself. You shouldn't think that asking for help is a burden because that's what friends are for. When you stretch out your hands to help others, there are 10 more hands stretched out for you.
You jst have to take it. π