Argghhhh~~~~

I.W, I think  you are right. I am stress~~ Must not be obvious to me but to you, I am..

I can feel it now... I feel helpless and not able to finish this assignment. I am right now not motivated at all to write it. I feel useless and that the assignment does not depict what he wanted at all... If I were to write it as what he wanted, then I would exceed the word count badly! REAL BADLY....

If I don't use enough articles, I feel that it is insufficient.... Stressed~~~
and then have to think about how to handle the s*****.
Next will be another presentation and few more assignments. Not to mention the incomplete Thesis work...

OMG!! thinking about it does not help!! Not at all!!

Panicking but I can't show it because someone is relying on me to keep herself calm. I can't show to her I am panicking and stressed about this....

Oh! Heavy heart@

Let go!!

Wow~~ I think I achieved a lot today. You might be thinking what or how?

Today isn't very significant. But to me it is significant.
Today, I let go a lot of things.

• I can let go n step down of SA and officially take the role of advisor instead. 
• I can let go and handle well about people leaving early. Although it is a little disappointing but there isn't anything I can do about it. It is their choice. 
• I can let go n not feel sorry about it. 

Before this I feel and thought if she promise, then she will do. If she don't, I feel bad n annoyed. Now, I can accept it when it happens and tell her n myself that:
         "If she don't go, I feel bad, she feel bad. If she goes, she feel bad, I feel bad too... "
So, either way is the same. Just go, and have fun. At least the negative feeling she will feel is less. and on my part, I can forgive easily.

Even when I know and realize that people are taking advantage of that. Plus, she won't hate me or feel I'm clingy... Cause she can still have fun and other friends apart from me. :)
:( now I sound lesbian..

Does all good friends feel like this with each other? Hm... @,@"

Facebook

Faint* Tell me, is there a need to educate your parents how to properly use the FB? Then, give them chance to play around and make frequent visits to our page... Oh dilemma....

I need help!

Some say I have good analytical mind.  That is supposed to be a good thing.  However, it comes with consequences:

1)     I worry a lot.

2)     I am concern about others too much..

Yes, I accept. If I am concern, mean I care. But there must be a limit?

3)     Fourth, I don't think I know myself well enough to really help others.

I need to 101% accept myself so I can 100% accept others. I need to know myself inside out and know if I am facing issues before I can honestly say I can help others effectively.

To know others, First, I need to know myself.

Faking a Smile is Tiring

Up until now, I think I am coping. Not very well to be honest but coping.

I really hope the past problem is not arising to torture me again....

Thats because I feel guilty and bad again. I wonder again why I am feeling the way I am feeling earlier today. It really is just a Trivial thing. But I reacted emotionally. I got caught but I deny it. Reason? Because telling the truth will hurt, telling the truth will somehow effect everyone's thoughts and concentration.

My thoughts? I rather suffer alone than others suffer because of me and my inability to control my temper and emotions.

So, I went running. I ran, and I ran, and I ran. Until I feel better to come back to Uni and continue the pathetic assignments that claimed to be training and providing skills for our future... Ironic. I don't think I need to know so much about it rather it's therapy which is far off from what I am writing....

I do feel better now and able to face more challenges thrown my way (not that I want any right now~) with a smile on my face.  Ultimately, I want to be able to frown and feel angry without having to feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty of those feelings? It should be natural right? Well~ its wrong timing.. I have no one to blame but myself..

Lowering myself and Lying to others and even myself so others would feel good or fine. But within myself, who knows if I am suffering? Do I; Myself even know if I am suffering?
I should ask myself these question:

o "What do I really want?"

o "If helping people is fulfilling, why do I feel like nobody after helping people?"

o "Is it appreciation that I'm seeking?"

o "So, is appreciation that important?"

I have always found passion in what I do. When I found that passion, I tend to put in all my effort and work towards it. When it's complete, I feel so much satisfaction. But lately, those satisfactions aren’t there. In place, more worry of my performance and disbelief that I can actually do so well (even after receiving compliments).

Moreover, even after so much effort has been put into a project I proposed. I am willing to let the whole thing go and throw the proposal into rubbish bin because I am that annoyed and tired of it~~

Putting on a Smile is Tiring, Lying is Tiring. I have to remind myself to put myself first sometimes...